← ArchiveDesperate Households Part 1DateOctober 5, 2014Speaker—TextGenesis 2Passages in this sermonGenesis 2:182:05Genesis 23:01Proverbs 15:110:29Proverbs 1612:081 Corinthians 1313:27Ephesians 316:342 Corinthians 216:51Ephesians 5:22–2518:111 Corinthians 724:33TranscriptClick any line to jump there.0:00Wow. Man, amen. Isn't that a blessing? Wasn't that a blessing? Thank you, Ms. Jamie. What a phenomenal song. Brother Greg, that needs to be on our new CD that's coming out after the first of the year. I'm going to keep saying that.0:31Somebody's going to say, okay, let's go get it done, right? I hope you brought your Bibles. I hope you more importantly brought your worship folder in so that you can walk along with us. One of the greatest needs in the New Testament church today is for our families to be healthy. Unhealthy families create an unhealthy environment in the church. And so I just really contemplated over this last few weeks on this whole banner of, under the banner of desperate households that we desperately need help.0:59Do we not? Even the best of families need help. The best of families need a fresh touch from the Lord. And so I challenge you to be at every one of these. We're going to have a different segment each week. Next week is on communication. The next week will be on, will be a different topic on desperate to belong. What do you belong to? And then we'll wrap it up with desperate kids as well.1:27So I pray that you'll be a part and invite someone, invite a family to come alongside you. Maybe a family that you may know that does not need help. Maybe they've got it on the surface that looks great. But every one of us, even this old pastor, and 34 years of marriage, we constantly need some reminders. Desperate housewives and the men who love them. I probably could change that title a little bit and say desperate house, desperate husbands1:55and the loves who put, and the wives who put up with us is what we could probably say. Amen. So if you brought your Bible, there's one verse that we're going to be launching from is Genesis chapter two, verse 18. Then the Lord God said, it is not good for man to be alone. It will make him, I will make him a helper suitable for him. Now, if you're not married in this room, if you're not married and you're a teenager or you're2:24a student, if you're in this room and you're not married, that's okay. Because we think maybe somewhere along the way, some of you will decide that marriage is in your future. Somewhere along the way. I'm looking at the young men in this room. We need to pray. They're going to need some help. Just looking at their faces. They're going to need some help. Amen. You know, it will happen.2:53So I want you to buckle in because this can be something beneficial for you, I pray, down the way. God created marriage in Genesis two. And it has taken, it has given us some rules for engagement. A God blessed marriage begins with God first and people second. Oftentimes, we think a God blessed marriage begins with people. It begins with God first, especially if you're a Christ follower in this room. It begins with him first. Some thoughts.3:23Some thoughts. Marital bliss actually lasted for about a verse and a half in Genesis chapter two. It lasted for about a verse and a half and then everything fell apart. How could we hope to recapture, redeem God's original plan in the midst of a world that is filled with conflict and stress and strife? How can we have that marital bliss in our own families, in our own marriages? Stress comes into some relationships.3:51It's God first and then people second. Relationships are very important. Some want to deal with conflict your way rather than God's way. Now, I want you to know God has a master plan for marriages. He has a master plan for lives. He has a master plan individually. He has a master plan for marriages. God's game plan is that we love one another as Christ loved the church and gave himself up4:16for us. Ninety-four percent of people in America today will marriage. Ninety-four percent of the American population will marry. Seventy-five percent of the divorced people will marry again within three years. These are statistics that are hard fact. About 75 percent of the people that divorce will marry again within three-year period.4:40God created marriage relationships. I want to say it this way. Whoever you are married to now is the one you are supposed to be married to. So if you've been divorced and you have remarried, then you have decided this is the one I'm going to be married to. Some of the women are looking over at the guy right now going, hmm, is this for real, right?5:05You know, weddings are something that pastors end up doing. Some pastors love weddings. I prefer funerals myself. I like funerals because the food is so much better at a funeral than it is at a wedding. Wedding is all those little cakes and the little nuts and the little punch and all that kind of stuff. And everybody's got to be smiling and all. But a funeral, you can go share some stories, talk about what a wonderful life that person is having, had, and what a wonderful eternity he's going to spend, especially if he's a Christ follower.5:34And then we go eat fried chicken and cream potatoes. And, man, it's awesome. And the best cakes and the best cooks. It's amazing. I love doing funerals because I love celebrating what a person's life is. Not that I don't like doing weddings, but if I have my preference, Brad, I'd rather do a funeral than a wedding. But, you know, when I started in ministry several years ago, when I surrendered ministry several years ago, I had the opportunity.6:02And I've done hundreds of weddings. And, I mean, it just happens. It's part of life. I'll never forget going through all these wedding vows that we write and all these kinds of things. And, you know, sometimes we want to create these vows that are hard to say. And so I went to one of my preaching mentors early on in ministry, and I said, I'm really looking for some neat wedding vows that I can say that'll be just, you know, off the chain.6:28So it'll be really great vows. Can you help me along the way? He said, well, let me tell you. I always talk about consecrating the marriage. Consecrating the marriage. Man, we want to consecrate the marriage. I said, oh, that's awesome. So we go, and he gives me that, and I tweak it out a little bit and change it up, make it fit who I am a little bit. And so we get there, and we go through the whole process.6:55Now, you see, you don't rehearse for funerals, but you rehearse for the weddings, right? That's why I don't like weddings, because we have to come on Friday night, and we have to go through the whole thing, and then we have to come back and do it. I'm saying it just as a, in my personal opinion, right? And so we come, and we get the rehearsal thing, and everything's great. And so we get there, and I mean, I'm in my robe, and there, I mean, there's attendance, and there's all kinds of,7:22and this particular couple, we've gone through all the premarital counseling thing, and the five steps, and all that covenant marriage thing, Brad, and we get to all of this, and then we get to the day, and the flowers are there, and the music's fantastic, and oh, it's just wonderful. The place is filled, and it's awesome. It's going to be great. We've gone through over and over, rehearsed the vows over and over and over and over. Now, this couple, they looked, I mean, they were spectacular looking.7:51They were just good looking couple. I mean, he was like G.I. Joe, man. He was like, big, tough looking guy, strong, athletic. She looked like Barbie. She could have been a model. She was beautiful. I mean, and then that day with that dress, she was gorgeous, and I mean, everybody, even the ugly people in the room looked pretty that day. I mean, it was just one of those days, and they came down, and we went through the whole process, Brad, and we're going through the vows, and I get to this point in the wedding vows,8:20and I said, you know, we want to, and I lead them into the process, and I say, I say to him, I said, repeat these words. I consecrate this wedding day to you, and he looks her dead in the eye, and he said, I constipate this wonderful day. I said, dude, and he just dropped his head.8:48I prayed that they did not get that on film that day, but they did. Conflicts, because this is the same couple in premarital counseling that said, we're never going to have any conflicts in our wedding, in our marriage. Right. How many of y'all that are married here today, slip up your hands, and don't be afraid that your husband, your wife is going to elbow you. How many of you have had at least one conflict in your marriage?9:14Raise your hand. Those of you that didn't raise your hand that are married, you're lying. Thank you very much. You need to be the first person to the altar to confess your sin in a few moments. You see, I believe that God, God has designed marriage in such a way that we need to learn how to deal with one another. We need to consecrate our marriage. I want to give you some rules for engagement.9:43Some rules for engagement. Number one, learn how to fight fair. Folks, let me tell you something. We're going to fight. Right. You put a husband and a wife, you put a man and a woman in a house, and they did not live together. They did not grow up together. They did not grow up in the same house. You've got two different people in the same house.10:09You're going to fight. You're going to fight about what day it is. Even though you may have multiple calendars, you're going to fight. You just need to learn how to fight fair. Number one, we need to access our words carefully. Proverbs chapter 15, verse 1. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. It takes 20 kind words to wipe out, to make up one bad word.10:37It takes 20 kind statements to wipe out the one bad statement that we made. You know, there's a statement that we learned as a child. Sticks and stones made. Whoever wrote that, that guy was crazy. That's a whack job, right? What planet did he fall from, huh? Sticks and stones do hurt us, and so do words. We need to access our words carefully.11:07I saw this just the other day. How do you start a good fight? Well, here's how you start one. One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot. Now, that's a good Christmas gift, isn't it? A cemetery plot for Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy his mother-in-law anything. So, his wife came up at the Christmas lunch that day and said,11:33Why did you not buy her a gift? He said, Well, she didn't use the one I gave her last year. That's always going to start a good fight, isn't it? No? Right? And all the men said, Thank you very much. We need to access our words carefully. Number two, we need to turn down the volume. We need to turn the volume down.12:04Listen to what Proverbs 16, verse 21 says. The B verse of that. A pleasant word promotes instruction. You know, pastors have a unique voice. We really do. We're just like y'all, but we just have a neat voice, don't we? You know, you hear us in the pulpit. We have this real pulpit preaching voice. You know, we have this deep voice. And then you hear those guys, those televangelists, Your best life now. You know, you have all these wonderful preaching voices.12:33And you think that we don't have any issues in our house. And we may be having a squabble or a fight. And we're going on. And the phone rings. And what do we do? Oh, we're so good. Thank you for calling us. We're so glad that she is such a pretty baby. We can't wait to come to the hospital. Hang up the phone. What were we talking about? Right? You see, we need to turn the volume down. When it gets ramped up, drop the volume down.13:01We need to learn how to fight fair. Access our words carefully. Turn down the volume. Number three, or C. Beware of rabbit, rabbit trails. Beware of chasing the rabbit trails. If love keeps no records of wrong, 1 Corinthians chapter 13. We need to stay on point in the fight.13:31Folks, let me tell you something. It's okay to fight. Just to fight fair. You see, the makeup's wonderful. If you really, truly love one another, learn how to fight and fight fair. Deb and I, we get into an argument every now and then just to get in one. We do. I just love pushing that button just a little bit. And we'll get into a little argument. And then we start laughing at each other because we're in this argument. We can't even stay mad at each other.14:00I wish that would happen. But it's not going to because we've said, you know what? God's in control of our marriage. And he would not have us stay in this fight or this squabble. And he does not want us to get historical or hysterical. Here's what happens in marriage. Sometimes there's a fight. There's a squabble. Maybe the macaroni cheese was burnt. I don't know what it might be. Maybe he didn't take the trash out on time or whatever it might be. Something very important like that.14:29And so we chase back. Oh, you remember five years ago, you didn't take the trash out on time. Three months ago, my goodness, you burnt the bread. We get historical or we get hysterical. And we start screaming and hollering at each other. Folks, we need to stay on point. If you are going to have a squabble in your marriage, learn how to fight fair. Beware of chasing those rabbit, rabbit trails.14:58Be persistent and stay on point. Access your words carefully. Turn down the volume. Beware of the rabbit trails. Number D, bypass the mountain of hurt feelings. Now, there are mountains in our great state here. And we got some beautiful ones. I've been to the Rockies. I've been to the Smokies. I've seen those beautiful mountains. But I was thinking about this particular principle for us in this rule of engagement that we have.15:29That we want to go past those mountains of hurt feelings. They're mount up. They just keep stacking, keep getting larger and larger. I was speaking at a youth conference down in South Florida. I was, the host church was a church in Fort Lauderdale. And they were taking me back to the airport after my speaking engagement. And they were taking me back to the airport. And I kept, we kept stopping because the traffic was so bad.15:59And the guy's car was kind of overheating a little bit. He said, man, I don't know what's the matter with my car. So we rolled the windows down. We kept smelling this thing. I said, my goodness, what is the smell, dude? What's wrong with your car? He said, oh, that's a mountain. I said, a mountain in South Florida? A speed bump is a mountain down there. He said, no, no, no, that's the landfill. That's what I started thinking about. This huge mountain of trash that is built up.16:25Bypass a mountain of hurt feelings. There, in Ephesians chapter 3, it talks about the root of bitterness. Bypass the root of bitterness. Bypass the mountain of hurt feelings. Number E, let's rev up the reconciliation. 2 Corinthians chapter 2, chapter 5, verse 18. All this is from God who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.16:54The cross, that's what Jesus did at the cross. He reconciled us unto himself. He forgave us unto himself. We need to rev up the reconciliation in our marriages. So we need to learn how to fight fair. There comes a point in that argument. It's the point of no return.17:24You have got to stop and reconcile one to another. Access your words carefully. Turn down the volume. Beware of the rabbit trails. Bypass the mountain of hurt feelings. And rev up that reconciliation. So ladies, I want you to take a deep breath. And hey, if you want to, check your phone right now. And check your messages. Send a text message. See what you're going on on your phones right now. Because I want to speak to the men just for a second. Ladies, this is time for you to take a nap, is what I'm saying.17:53Men, I want you to look in your notes. There's a passage of scripture directly for us. Now this is where you guys are going to get jazzed up. But before you do, I want you to read the entire passage with me. Ephesians chapter 5, verse 22 through 25 says, Wives, you're going to love this, men. Submit to your husbands as to the Lord. All the men are going, yes, I love this.18:20You should submit to me. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. Yes, I'm in charge. I love it. Submit to me, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, buckle up.18:51Here it is. Husbands, love your wives as Christ has loved the church and gave himself up for her. Husbands, love your wives. Probably in this room, every husband in this room loves their wife. I would think so.19:20Or you wouldn't be here, more than likely. But this is for someone that you may not know, that you know that may not love their wife. Folks, let me tell you something. This is a non-negotiable statement. This is not up for debate. It says, husband, love your wives as just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up. But, brother Dan, you don't understand. She can't cook. That's okay. You got hair growing out your nose, bro.19:49If you only knew she doesn't clean the house. Well, if you didn't stink, she wouldn't have to clean it. It says, husband, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. You know, the reason why I began to think now in the 21st century in North American church, the reason why people don't want to be a part of our organization. You know why? Because they see how we act at home. They see how we act in public.20:20They see how we don't love each other. See, this is a non-negotiable. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Thank you very much, ladies. Please come back in here and join the rest of our program, would you? We need to learn how to fight fair. Second principle today. We need to take care of the troubled spots. There are some trouble spots inside every marriage.20:48Take care of the trouble spots. Number one, we need to desperately take care of the financial areas of our lives. If you're having trouble with your finances, we have programs and plans for that here in this church. We have a strategic master plan for helping you. We have trained counselors. And if we don't have trained counselors, we can't find one that fits your need.21:15We will find somebody to help you train your counsel. You see, the number one problem in marriages today is not infidelity. That is a problem, but it is usually stemmed by something else. We need to take care of our lives financially. We need to understand that we need desperate romance in our marriages. So the second thing is the romance needs of our lives. We need to take care of our financial life.21:43We need to take care of our romance life. I love that wonderful illustration that's on an advertisement on television. It's an older couple walking. They must be 100 by my age. They're walking along and they're holding hands. My parents were married 54 years when my mom died. My dad called me after mom died. She died about 1 o'clock in the morning out in Trustville. I lived over in North Shelby County.22:13He called me and said, Dan, mama's gone to heaven. I said, praise God, I'm on the way. I drive out. My dad's sitting in the house there in Lake Street in Trustville. He's sitting there and we're drinking coffee 2 o'clock in the morning because we had to get ready to go to the funeral director to make sure the arrangements and all were made. And we were excited. We just said, it's me and dad. My dad said something unusual that day, as he often said.22:40I was just sitting there trying to be a good son, not knowing what to say, trying to be pastor, but also be son, more importantly, being son at that time. He didn't need a pastor. He had one. At that time, he needed a good son. And he looked over at me and he said, you know, son, I've been blessed 54 years with you, mama. Only woman I ever had. Only woman I've ever been married to. 54 years.23:1154 years. I'm sitting there shaking my head like, oh my goodness, 54 years. That's a long time. He said, you know, son, I loved her more today than I did the day I met her. He said, she was a spectacular wife, a spectacular mom, a spectacular creator of the environment in our home. He said, you know, son, a man's entitled to two good things in life.23:38I said, really, dad? Thinking in my theological brain, we're not entitled to nothing. But I was just going to let him talk. He said, a man's entitled to the love of a good woman and a good bird dog.24:03He never told me which one was the most important. He was telling me that our marriages are desperate for romance. My father never remarried again. Not that he couldn't. He just decided that was the one. And he lived many, many years until he passed away in 2010. Folks, let me tell you something. Look what 1 Corinthians 7, verse 5 says.24:33Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. The damage in our marriages today that's separating couples all across this country, they're hiding behind internet screens,24:59television pornography. They're hiding behind the eye, the grass is greener on the other side syndrome. If we would take care of our desperate romance needs, maybe we could turn the tide of divorce in this country. We desperately need to take care of financial needs.25:27We desperately need to take care of the romance. And thirdly and finally, finally, we desperately need to fulfill our faithfulness to each other. Desperate faithfulness. Desperate faithfulness. Several years ago, there was an article written. It was written about some West Virginia miners25:56that were stuck in a mine shaft and it caved in on top of them. There was an air pocket still stuck in there and they were breathing from that. And the miners knew there was no way that they were going to have enough oxygen to survive enough oxygen to survive. And so they began to panic some. But one of the godly deacon guys in a Baptist church in West Virginia,26:25he wrote a note and pinned it to his chest of his shirt. And he wrote a note to his family knowing that at some point maybe they would find him. Maybe they could dig down in there and retrieve his dead body. And when they did so they found this note. And it said, all my life, all my life was devoted to you.26:53I've been faithful to you 100%. You and only you. I am desperately in love with you. And if I don't see you on this side, honey, I will see you on the other side. We are desperate to faithfulness. Deb and I have been married 34 years.27:23I'm going to be blatantly honest with you in this room. I'm going to be as transparent as you'll ever find in a pastor. We've had our ups and downs. We've had our hiccups. I've not been the husband that she wanted to be a lot of times. We had our squabbles and our fights. But at the end of the day, we looked each other in the eye and said, we know what, we made a mess of it today.27:52But we're committed to each other for all of eternity. Deb and I have been faithful to each other for this entire duration. And if something should happen and she walk off and leave me today, I told her this morning, I'm going to pack my bags and go with you because I'm not starting this thing over again. Amen. We must make a commitment28:20to be fully, faithfully devoted to God first and to one another second. Learn how to fight fair and take care of the trouble spots. Our text today, the Lord said, it is good, it is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him.28:48We desperately need to make that commitment today. Let's pray. With heads bowed and eyes closed, maybe you're here today and you say, Pastor, I've been married for X number of years and I've been married for this period of time or I'm not even married. I'm not even married. I'm not even dating anybody. I'm just a teenager. I'm just a teenager in this room and you're not just a teenager. But I am a teenager.29:18And I want to make that commitment to be fully devoted to God first and to people second. Maybe you're here today and God is speaking to your heart. Maybe you're here today and God has touched your life. Maybe you're here today and you're going through some difficult times in your marriage. Maybe you have divorced and you're without a spouse at this moment and you're asking God to raise up that particular person29:45to be your spouse today. Whatever the case might be, maybe you're here today and you need desperately to come just like you are and surrender to his lordship and whatever he has for you. Whatever the decision you make, God has spoken to your heart. Maybe you're here today and you say, Dan, my decision today30:13is to follow the wound and the spirit of the God, the spirit of the living God that has spoken in my heart about me and my family and be a part of this faith family. Whatever it might be, maybe it's just a simple recommitment of your life to Christ to be all God wants you to be. Maybe it's to begin to take care of your financial issues in your life or maybe you've got some romance needs or romance issues. Maybe you haven't learned how to fight fair. Whatever the case might be,30:44will you be bold enough? Will you be bold enough to stand up and step out and say to Jesus today, I come just as I am. Just as I am. Without one plea. Father God, you know the hearts in this room. You know the lives in this room. You know the needs in this room. You know what situations are going on inside the life of people in this room right now. Lord, you know that already.31:12You know the ones that need to stand up and step out. The ones who need to come and be a part of this faith family. The ones who need to recommit their life, their marriages to you. The ones who just need, maybe just need to come to this altar. They don't need anybody. Maybe just have somebody pray over them. Whatever the case may be, God, you already have all this worked out. This plan worked out. And God, we take comfort in that. And Father, I know, I know Satan is going to do everything in his possible,31:41in his limited power. Limited power that he has. He's going to do everything he can to come against them right now. He's going to do everything he can from keeping people from standing up and stepping out right here in this room right now. God, please don't let that happen. Bind Satan from this place. He is not welcomed here. He's not wanted here. He has no place in this room right now. His demons have no spot32:10in this place interfering during this time right now. Marriages and families are in the balance. God, right now, I pray those that need to stand up and step out will. And we give you all the glory in advance. We love you. We thank you for what you're about to do in this place. In Jesus' name, we pray. We stand and we sing this great old hymn of the faith. I'll be here at the front. The altar's open. Train counselors32:40Train counselors will be here with you if you have a need. Maybe you just need to come to this altar. You come as Brother Greg leads us right now in this great hymn of the faith. You come right now. Come. Come.33:05Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come.More sermons on Genesis →
